Taking Steps To Rebuild Your Relationship

If you wish your relationship had not ended, and are not sure what to do, getting your ex back may be your number one priority. In many cases, it is possible to regain and rebuild a relationship. You can have happiness again with that special person.

Focus On Yourself

Getting your ex back should not be your goal immediately after the breakup. Instead, you should be focusing on yourself. Not only will you be more interesting to your ex and not seen as desperately waiting for his return, you will be much happier, too.

Even if you feel bad about the breakup, look at it as a time for yourself. When you and your ex were together, it probably limited your opportunities. Now that you are unattached, there is much you can do with your time. Sign up for classes at the local gym or college, join a club or a team, take up a new hobby or enjoy a hobby you left behind when you become involved with your ex. Spend time with your friends, and make new friends.

Understand The Breakup

Even when you succeed at getting your ex back, you are only part way to your goal. You want your new relationship to be happy and you want it to last. With this purpose in mind, you need to understand why you and your ex broke up.

When you start to understand the reasons for the breakup, prepare to discuss it honestly with your ex. When mistakes and problems can be resolved, they can be avoided in the future. Be prepared to admit your mistakes, and discuss your ex’s mistakes without becoming overly emotional. You need to remain rational when you are discussing the problems that led to the breakup.

Learn Communication Skills

It can be difficult to stay rational when you are sad or hurt over a breakup, or if your ex did something wrong. However, it is essential when you want to reestablish a relationship and continue it on a long-term basis.

Listen to what your ex has to say, and do not be judgmental. Ask him what he thinks and feels, and pay attention to his responses. When you speak, avoid assigning blame.

Prepare for communication before you reestablish contact with your ex. Choose an appropriate time and place where there will be no distractions. Plan for this in advance so you are ready for your first contact.

Do Not Spy

It is not enough to avoid direct contact immediately after a breakup. Indirect contact, in terms of spying, must be avoided, too. No matter how curious or worried you may be, never spy on your ex.

Do not ask other people to spy on him and give you information. Do not show up at places where you think he will be. Stay off his social networking sites instead of checking to see what he is doing and with whom he is communicating.

When you and your ex are not together, he needs his own time and his own life. Make a point of respecting his personal space.

Reestablish Contact With Dates

Think of the good times you and your ex had when you were together. If you have been patient, you can casually ask for a date. While you should keep in mind that a date does not imply a commitment, choose a setting that sparks memories of happier times together.

If the dates remain casual, his interest in you can be restored. When he recalls how happy he was with you in the past, it can encourage him to recommit.

Your New Relationship And Communication

When getting your ex back is on the horizon, you do not want to break up again. After you have discussed and resolved the reasons for your initial breakup, it is time to let go of the past. When you have a disagreement, avoid bringing up incidents that have already been resolved.

Second, take respectful communication seriously. There is a difference between resolving problems and fighting. Respectful communication does not involve name-calling, intimidation, or similar approaches that harm the other person.

How Do You Know When It Is Time For Contact?

You are thinking of all these ways you can rebuild your relationship, but are not sure of the time frame to consider. While the no-contact rule is generally considered to be one month or longer, it can vary from person to person. There are some points to consider that are more important than a strict 30-day limit.

Ask yourself how you feel when you have not had contact with your ex. If you are still miserable over the breakup, it is not the time to reestablish contact. You should be able to honestly tell yourself that you are happy and enjoying your life.

Also be honest with yourself about no contact meaning no contact. If you have made direct or indirect contact, you are not ready to move forward.

In contrast, if you have made no attempts at contact, and if your life is basically full and satisfying, the waiting period can signal the time to make contact with your ex. You have not simply been waiting for his return, nor trying to cause him to return to you, but actively living your own life.

When you have honestly assessed all these aspects of your situation, getting your ex back is a goal you can achieve. Your new relationship with your partner can be better than it was in the past.